listen, actually, It's My First Time. 87 Days Until My First Time With a Loose-Ish, Innocent Girlfriend V1 - Prologue

Prologue: Vanity and Youth

Putting on airs never leads to anything good.

Even though I know that perfectly well in my head, I still can’t stop myself from clinging to pointless pride. Maybe that’s the painfully cringeworthy trait of us who are living out, in real time, the days adults nostalgically call “youth.”

To me, vanity—putting on airs—is just another symbol of youth.

The school caste system that brands you an introvert if you don’t try to look cool, and the conversations you can’t keep up with unless you push yourself a bit—those are all problems unique to adolescence.

…So, well. When I think about it that way, maybe it can’t be helped—embarrassing as it is—that I froze up after panicking as a result of keeping up this stupid bravado.

There’s a reason I’m rattling off all these excuses in my head to justify myself.

No matter how much you try to look cool, the moment when you bare yourself always comes eventually. In more ways than one.

 

My gaze is naturally drawn to the girl lying in front of me. I find myself thinking how beautiful her body is.

She hasn’t taken everything off yet, but every glimpse of her exposed pale skin, every view of her slender, long legs seen from closer than ever before, steals my breath.

I can’t tear my eyes away from her, unable to resist the conflicting charms she radiates—an almost divine purity that someone like me shouldn’t dare touch, and at the same time an indecent desire that makes me want to soil her with my own hands.

Her disheveled hair as she lay on her back on the bed, her chest wrapped in a bra—everything about her felt fresh and divine.

If I let myself fully give in to my desires and say it bluntly—she’s erotic. I’m turned on. It’s amazing.

 

“…I-I… is it okay… if you just look…?”

 

The urge to keep looking forever and the desire to become one with her right now had been battling inside me, but her words just now made everything burst.

When our lips meet, pleasure races through my entire body, and the mind that’s already always thinking about her becomes completely filled with her, without even a millimeter of space left.

It doesn’t feel bad at all—if anything, it’s intoxicating. …It should be okay to take her bra off soon, right? I want to finally touch her chest, which looks far too full to fit in one hand, something I’ve only ever been able to touch in my fantasies.

Within my reach is her pale chest, wrapped in the restraint called a bra. Bewildered by this unreal reality, I swallow hard as I yearn for its unmistakable feel.

“…It’s embarrassing… if I’m the only one like this…”

Cheeks flushed, she murmurs those words while looking straight at me.

…What exactly is she embarrassed about? Being half-naked, lying on her back on the bed like this? But with sex, doesn’t the guy have to do most of the moving…? Ah! She wants me to take my clothes off too!

I’m pretty sure I’ve arrived at the right answer—but I freeze up again.

Is now the time to undress? But I haven’t even made her feel good once yet—wouldn’t it be weird to take my clothes off now? And even if I do, how far do I go? Just the top? Or everything?

 

—I don’t know. When, and how, am I supposed to take my clothes off?

 

If I were a guy used to sex, maybe my body would just move naturally, smoothly, on its own.

But I’m a virgin on the verge of my first experience—everything about a girl’s body, seeing it, touching it, it’s all completely new to me. For someone like me, figuring out the right moment to undress is way too tricky, and my mind is instantly filled with question marks.

I wonder if I’ll be able to get through my first experience without a hitch.

Even though I’m panicking inside, I still try to put on a calm front—and she, in nothing but her underwear, is watching me with her big eyes.

 

So… what do I do now? How am I supposed to move forward from here?