listen, actually, It's My First Time. 87 Days Until My First Time With a Loose-Ish, Innocent Girlfriend V1 - Ch 6

 Chapter 6: Regret is Part of Love

[Nakamura Hiyori 's June 19^th]

 

The day after going to the love hotel with Hayato, I was waiting for Saki while drinking a frappuccino inside the store.

Saki never comes early, but she also never arrives late. I had just come too early because when I was alone at home, I couldn’t sit still, remembering what happened yesterday.

"Hiyori—how was your first time? Did it hurt? Are you okay?"

Before I knew it, it was exactly 11:00. When I turned to look at the voice, Saki was sitting next to me, grinning. Overflowing with various emotions, I couldn't put them into words and lightly hit her upper arm.

"It’s not ‘are you okay?’ anymore! If you were that worried, why did you make us go to a love hotel? I thought my heart was going to explode and I was going to die!"

"Keep your voice down. I already explained it in the message yesterday. Kaburagi-kun is popular, so you should have just gone ahead and done it. You’ve liked him for a long time, right?"

Saki said it with no ill intent, and although I glared at her in protest, I understood that, while her method was really forceful, she was just trying to push me to act when I always hesitated.

So, I decided not to blame Saki for now. I let out a big breath and told my best friend, who always supported me, my honest feelings about him.

"...I like him. After yesterday, I like him even more."

Even though I was being incredibly selfish, Hayato was kind. He didn’t rush me with his desires, and I could feel how much he cared for me.

And... I think another reason my feelings for him grew stronger was because of all the time we spent together. Now that I had experienced the warmth of his skin and the joy of physical closeness, I was constantly craving to touch him whenever there was an opportunity.

"Wow, as expected of Kaburagi-kun! In just one day, you've completely charmed Hiyori!"

Normally, Hayato-kun, with his exceptionally refreshing and cheerful smile, melts everyone’s hearts. But the way his eyes turned manly in that moment made my heart race.

The thought that I was the only one who got to see that side of Hayato-kun as his girlfriend made me feel incredibly special. ...Although, the downside was that I found myself even more jealous of his ex-girlfriend than before.

"Did I really get charmed …? I'm not sure, but before I knew it, I kept thinking about Hayato-kun."

Saki, who had been listening to me, nodded along with a somewhat delighted expression.

"You know, women tend to feel stronger love for their partner after being intimate. I get it. So, how was it? Kaburagi-kun, was he good at it?"

"I... I don't know."

"If it was your first time, you might not really be able to tell. But if you say you love him even more now, then I’d say he was probably good at it."

"No, that's not it… We... we didn’t do it."

Saki widened her eyes and looked at me as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

"…No way. Wait, are you telling me you didn’t do it in that situation!? …I can’t believe it. Wait, so he just didn’t go all the way? Not even foreplay? Oh, were you on your period or something?"

"I... I wasn’t on my period, but… we, uh, hugged and kissed? But then… when I thought about actually going further, I started to feel a little scared…"

I roughly explained the flow of events at the love hotel.

At that time, I was genuinely ready. The kisses felt good, and I didn’t dislike being touched. After all, I love Hayato-kun. Being desired by someone you love is something to be happy about.

But when it came down to it, I got scared.

I was terrified that Hayato-kun would realize I was a virgin.

"...And so, after that, we left the love hotel, Hayato-kun walked me home, and that was the end of the day."

As soon as I finished talking, Saki let out a huge sigh and gave me a punch.

"...Inviting him yourself and then refusing when it comes to the moment of truth... that's something you absolutely shouldn’t do. Kaburagi-kun has no reason to apologize whatsoever. Sorry, but I’m on his side here."

"B-but…! The part about him finding out I’m a virgin is entirely my fault, but I also remembered all those stories about how it hurts a lot, and… I just got scared!"

"Oh, I see. In your case, being a virgin and overthinking everything because of what you’ve heard ended up backfiring, huh... Maybe if you didn’t know anything, you could’ve just gone with the flow and done it."

One of my friends, who’s always open about her intimate experiences with her boyfriend, scratched her head as if reflecting on it.

"...No, that’s not it. It sounds like I’m blaming you or everyone else for my lack of courage, and I’m sorry. ...Right now, I regret not accepting it and going through with it. So next time we’re in that kind of mood, I’ll definitely do it."

...Honestly, though, I feel like I could go through with it even without making such a declaration.

At that time, my mind was completely overtaken by a sudden and intense fear, but now that I think back on it, all I can remember is Hayato-kun's kindness, warmth, and comfort.

When I think about it that way, while I’m still scared about him finding out I’m a virgin… I’ve started to feel like being intimate might be something so wonderful that it outweighs that fear.

"Well, I’m more surprised that Kaburagi-kun didn’t push things when you said to stop. Maybe a true playnoy is the kind of guy who can hold back where an ordinary one would rush forward… But hey, you’re worried about him finding out you’re a virgin, right? With the way you reacted, don’t you think Kaburagi-kun already figured it out?"

My best friend hit me right where it hurt, and I held my head in my hands.

"...You really think so? Ahh! What should I do? What if Hayato-kun was turned off? What if he doesn’t like me anymore?"

"Want to bet on Kaburagi-kun being the type who’s into virgins? Either way, no matter how much you pretend to be experienced, the moment you do it, he’ll definitely find out. It’s just a matter of time… But more importantly, Hiyori?"

Saki's lips curled mischievously into a sly grin.

"Did the kissing and hugging with Kaburagi-kun feel good?"

It was clearly a teasing question, and I knew she already had an idea of my answer. Still, I chose to answer honestly.

Even though it was embarrassing, I didn’t want to lie about the feelings I’d experienced during those moments.

"...It felt good. And, it made me feel so incredibly happy. Things like that... thanks to Hayato-kun, every day I’m discovering new emotions for the first time. It’s so much fun that I can’t get enough of it."

Hearing my response, Saki softened her expression, took a sip of her café latte, and then said, "This is almost sickeningly sweet."

"When Hiyori’s happy, it makes me happy too. …I want to have a wonderful romance like yours next time! Where can I find a handsome guy like that? …Do you think Kaburagi-kun could handle dating two girls at once?"

"Wait a minute!? Hayato-kun is absolutely off-limits! …Oh, what about Mori-kun? You two were talking while Hayato-kun and I were at the… l-love hotel, right?"

"Not a chance. He’s unbelievably shallow. And honestly, we just don’t get along."

It was quite a blow. It almost makes me feel sorry for Mori-kun, who was rejected without even confessing.

“R-Really? But it’s true, the types of boyfriends you’ve had so far seem to be quite different, huh?”

“Right? …Well, he was a better guy than I thought, though.”

...Huh? Doesn’t this response actually seem pretty good?

Mori-kun is also rumored to be a playboy, but maybe he’s the type who’d treasure a girlfriend if he had one, like Hayato-kun… I started to feel embarrassed saying this myself. Plus, he’s kind and reliable, so I actually feel like it wouldn’t be so bad if the two of them ended up together.

“More importantly, Hiyori, with that attitude, I think if you sleep with Kaburagi-kun, you won’t be able to return to reality for a while. Your first time only happens once in life, so when that time comes, enjoy it to the fullest.”

I remembered Hayato-kun’s body warmth and his serious gaze, and my body heated up.

“…Yeah, I’ll do that. Thanks, Saki.”

It wasn’t a delusion or confidence of a virgin dreaming of sex, but the happiness I felt at that time was what I’m anticipating.

The first time with Hayato-kun might bring about some kind of trouble or unexpected event.

But, for example, it would probably be even sweeter than this Frappuccino and the happiest moment ever.

 

[Kaburagi Hayato's June 19^th]

 

It was a Sunday, and I had a part-time job. But this was the first time I’ve ever wanted a day off so badly.

At random moments, I find myself recalling about the softness of Hiyori-chan’s lips and her sweet scent, and I get lost in the afterglow. I’m overwhelmed by the urge to see her as soon as possible, and despite feeling sorry for my boss, the other employees, and the customers at work, I find myself becoming distracted.

Still, there’s something that just doesn’t sit right with me.

Even though we were in the mood at the love hotel, we didn’t end up having sex.

It’s just an assumption, but I’m sure Hiyori-chan was testing me. Honestly, it was frustrating, but I wasn’t angry, and I definitely didn’t start to dislike her.

That part’s fine. I’ve come to terms with it.

What I don’t understand is her reaction.

Hiyori-chan is so cute, with a great figure, a bright personality, and kindness.

I think everything about her, even her occasional natural airheadedness and the times she can be a little sharp-tongued, is wonderful and Cute.

So, there’s no way a guy would ignore such an attractive girl. That’s why she’s rumored to be experienced.

Could she, someone like her, really blush so deeply from just one kiss from a virgin like me?

It felt like she was tense, but perhaps she was just nervous?

I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong for thinking that the number of experiences and one’s reaction and technique during sex are proportional. But maybe it’s just because I, as a virgin, feel inferior to Hiyori-chan, and that’s why I want to think that way.

...No... could the rumor of her being a slutt be a lie? Perhaps it’s just me wanting to think that way. I know it might sound like a naive thought that would make Masahito and the others laugh at me, but should I ask Hiyori-chan about it next time?

Thinking about Hiyori-chan, I’d get excited or lost in thought, and today I really couldn’t focus on work.

"Hayato-kun, it’s break time!"

Normally, I wouldn’t be late for my break, but today I had missed it by about two minutes.

"Oh, sorry! I’ll take my break now."

I thanked Haru-senpai, who called out to me, and as soon as I entered the staff break room, which was where the break took place, Haru-senpai sat down on the chair next to mine, her eyes sparkling as she eagerly wanted to hear my story.

"Your face is all over the place today with so many expressions, but the one where you’re grinning the most. Something good happened, right? Tell your older sister about it!"

I was trying to avoid being too probing about Hiyori-chan, as it might expose the fact that I’m a virgin. So, I shifted the topic.

"I was just happy that our break times overlapped, senpai. By the way, senpai, those two at table eleven were persistently hitting on you, right? Next time, I’ll handle the customer service for them."

I thought that if I were pressed deeply about my relationship with Hiyori-chan, it might lead to revealing my virginity, so I changed the topic. Even though I was spacing out, I don't intend to have overlooked people who are messing with my senpai in such a way.

...But did my face show that much? I tried to touch my face to consciously return to a serious expression, but being stared at intently by my senpai, I couldn’t switch back smoothly.

"Hmm, I wonder...? Did Hayato-kun see the underwear that onee-san gave to Hiyori-chan as a present?"

The topic I brought up was completely ignored. Seeing my senpai's eyes, filled with expectation and always focused on things that interest her, even I, who is always being teased, sometimes wanted to strike back.

"...It's a secret. I'll leave it up to your imagination."

The truth is, we only kissed, but I’m being unclear about it, so it won’t really be a lie. Senpai laughed in a way that sounded like an old man, saying, 'It’s youth, huh,' then let out a small sigh.

"No matter how much I came on to you, you didn’t make a move, but with Hiyori-chan, you just casually have sex, huh...? I might be shocked as a woman..."

"No, no, you’re beautiful and cute, and I like you. But you’re not my girlfriend."

"That’s an unexpected response for someone who seems like a playboy."

The senpai moved the chair a little closer to me.

"Well then, maybe I should think of a reason why you'd still sleep with me even without the title of 'girlfriend'? If I pamper you while you're feeling down, Hayato-kun's switch might get flipped, and he'd say something cliché like, 'Well then, please comfort me with your body,' and before I knew it, we'd end up having sex, and just like that, we'd slide into a sex friends..."

"Geez, why is the conversation going off track like this!? Even if I feel down, I won’t make a move on you, senpai! I’m totally loyal to Hiyori-chan!"

I completely forgot about the playboy persona, and my true feelings slipped out. Seeing me flustered, senpai had an expression on her face that looked both happy and sad at the same time.

"…As expected, you’re really something, Hayato-kun. Well then, if you break up with Hiyori-chan, I’ll put myself forward as your next girlfriend, so remember that. A mistress is fine too, though."

"Please don’t say things that are bad omens! I’m doing my best so that I don’t get rejected!"

"Huh? The popular Hayato-kun, who has so many girls interested in him, I want to know how he’s trying so hard for his girlfriend. Come on, tell me, Onee-san~!"

I thought she were just joking, so I replied, but when I heard senpai speak in a tone that seemed playful yet serious, I hesitated a little.

Senpai didn’t let her smile fade, but there was a silent pressure that made it clear I shouldn’t divert the conversation. The atmosphere made it impossible to deceive or avoid the issue. The moment I tried to do so, I felt like all the trust that had been built between me and senpai would vanish.

"…Even if other girls express their affection toward me, I don’t think my heart will be moved. I love Hiyori-chan so much, and I want to cherish her from the bottom of my heart… I’m making an effort to do so."

I wonder if this is an answer. From the perspective of an older, beautiful woman like senpai, my efforts might be considered just ordinary, or perhaps even less than that. But I spoke honestly about my genuine feelings for Hiyori-chan, without any lies or exaggerations.

── The truth is scary.

I, who live my life putting on a mask, especially thought so.

"Yeah, I think you're really wonderful. Not just your face, but your inner self is handsome too—what a bad boy~!"

I wonder if my response convinced her. While showing a cheerful smile, senpai poked my upper arm and side. At first glance, she seemed like her usual self, but no matter how I tried, I couldn’t shake off a small sense of discomfort.

"…Senpai, is something wrong? You seem a little different from usual today."

Senpai, who seemed taken aback by my straightforward question, gently looked away from me. I thought she was a beautiful woman with downcast eyes.

"…I’m still so immature… You know, I’m really cheering for you and Hiyori-chan, from the bottom of my heart, right? You two are both so cute and such good kids. But, when I see how sparkling you both are, I can’t help but think, 'I wish I had dated a more decent guy,' or 'I wish I had a more loving first experience,' and I start to feel regret, you know? Ahaha, it feels silly to be sulking alone like this, doesn’t it?"

Senpai laughed while saying this brightly, but her tone of voice seemed to contain feelings of loneliness, sadness, and other similar, helpless emotions that I couldn't shake off.

"Ahhh, I wonder if someone will comfort me? I wonder if they'll pet my head or something?"

While making a spoiled voice and watching my reaction, Senpai's head, I gently petted it as much as I could, just like a father would do for a child.

"...I believe there’s no one who has never regretted something in love."

Even though I'm at the peak of happiness, dating Hiyori-chan, I still have regrets.

It might sound nice to say that my single-minded love came true, but I ended up wasting a precious year of high school without being able to take any action toward Hiyori-chan.

When I think about having missed a whole year’s worth of happiness, I can't help but feel that it was such a waste.

Even after two months of dating, it’s like this. As a virgin and a beginner in romance, I’ve come to realize that it feels really difficult to continue a relationship without making mistakes or regretting along the way.

But still.

"If it’s a love that will make us smile in the end, then I think it's okay to fail along the way. Senpai, you are cute. You are beautiful. So, it’s okay. You can have a wonderful love."

I won’t self-deprecate, even though I’m just a virgin speaking arrogantly.

Right now, I wanted to encourage the girl who was smiling sadly with my words or actions.

"…Thank you, Hayato-kun. Next time, I’ll date a boy like you."

Senpai's voice and expression seemed to soften a little, and I felt relieved. Even if my words and actions were clumsy, I’d be really happy if they reached her, even just a little.

"…Sorry, just for now, it’s fine…"

Senpai, who had been staring at my face, rested her head on my shoulder.

I judged that lending my shoulder to Senpai, who has always taken care of me, when she’s feeling weak, wouldn’t be seen as cheating.

In the small waiting room, only the sound of the air conditioner working and our breathing could be heard.

I wonder how many minutes of break time are left. I wanted to check, but even the slightest movement to look at the clock was met with hesitation.

It’s not that I had any ulterior motive. I just wanted the considerate senpai, who never stops smiling in front of people, to forget time and rest a little longer.

"…Hey, Hayato Hayato-kun”

Senpai stared at me with her big eyes and gently closed them. If that's the case, I can't possibly fulfill that request.

"…Senpai. Um…"

The moment I tried to say that I couldn't, it seemed like Senpai came to her senses.

"ju-just, Just kidding, just kidding! I was just testing you, Hayato-kun! You’re not just talking, huh? You really do cherish Hiyori, don’t you?"

Does that mean all of it—the teary eyes and the slightly blushed cheeks—was just acting?

I feel the strength draining from my whole body. Just because I kissed for the first time yesterday, I shouldn’t get too carried away. A guy like me, a virgin, can’t possibly understand the authenticity of a woman’s actions.

"Of course. So, Senpai, please don’t tease your innocent junior too much and take care of yourself."

"Hehe, I wonder about that—? …You know, Hayato-kun, I think societal expectations, appearances, and all sorts of constraints have troubled and will continue to trouble the two of you. But… Hayato-kun, in your own way, deepen your bond with Hiyori-chan."

The words whispered at such close range made my spine straighten.

I didn’t know anything about Senpai’s past, nor had I ever tried to learn, but if she was sharing lessons she had learned from her past relationships with me, I felt I should accept them sincerely.

Because I know that her words are never forced upon me—they are always kindness.

"Yes, I understand."

"Yes, yes, good boy. Ah, if I ever get so lonely that I can't stand it, make sure to hold me, okay? They say it's a man's shame not to take what's offered."

"Please don't casually make problematic statements! I won't hold you!"

Being uncomfortable with serious atmospheres and often joking around is more of a bad habit of Senpai's. But right now, that habit has helped me. Even when the break is over, Senpai and I will be able to face each other as usual.

"The break is over, huh! Shall we head back to the hall soon? I'll go ahead."

After seeing Senpai leave the waiting room as if nothing had happened, I let out a sigh.

The shoulder where Senpai had rested her head remained warm for a while, and although I couldn't tell whether it was shampoo, perfume, or body cream, the sweet scent characteristic of Senpai lingered endlessly.

 

[Kaburagi Hayato 's June 27th]

 

One afternoon after school, less than a week before the final exams, I was at a family restaurant with two of my guy friends, supposedly for a study session in name only.

"Ugh, this sucks. Can't we just, like, warp a week ahead or something?"

Atsushi, who had been grumbling while twirling his pen, hadn't been concentrating on studying at all—he'd either been talking or playing with his phone the entire time.

"We're getting nowhere, huh? I mean, don't you think we need someone to actually teach us, or it's just not gonna happen?"

In front of Kengo, who was sighing, lay an untouched English workbook.

With all this pointless chit-chat, our studying wasn't making any progress at all. Hiyori-chan had said she'd be studying with her friends today, taking separate action from us. I wondered if things were going better on her side.

"You know what, let's just go have fun like it's our last day before exams. I actually met a college girl the other day, so I'll ask her to come hang out with us."

"I'm not going, Atsushi. I want to study, and besides, I have a girlfriend."

"Come on, Hayato, don't be so uptight~. She was a super hot older girl, you know? I won't tell Nakamura, so relax."

Among my friends, Atsushi was especially convinced that I was a natural-born playboy. No matter how many times I turned him down, he never seemed to listen.

"Aha! Found Hiyori's boyfriend!"

Just then, three high school girls passing by our table stopped in their tracks.

Turning around at the high-pitched voice, I saw Hiyori-chan's friends, Aika and Ran—whom she had introduced to me before—and, of course... my adorable girlfriend herself.

"Hayato-kun!? Whoa, what a coincidence! Are you having a study session here?"

Seeing Hiyori-chan's face light up with joy, my mood instantly soared too.

"Well, it's not going very well, though. Just look at the disaster we're in."

The girls laughed as they glanced at our table, which was covered with a ridiculous amount of food, alongside untouched workbooks and blank notebooks. Meanwhile, I noticed a gleam in Atsushi's eyes.

"Hey, why don't we all study together?"

Just three minutes ago, he was persistently trying to drag us off to hang out with college girls, but now he had clearly switched gears to the “study session with beautiful girls” route.

"Eh? You guys definitely won't study. What's in it for us?"

Aika-san chuckled as she peeked into Atsushi's workbook.

"Ah, but there's something in it for you! You see, our very own Kengo here is ranked third in the grade for Social Studies!"

"I'm great at predicting what's gonna be on the test."

Looks like Kengo was on board too. As for me, if it meant spending more time with Hiyori-chan, I was totally in, but I didn't want to push them into it—I'd rather leave it up to the girls.

"Alright, guess we'll join in? Let me put my stuff down, so scoot over."

After exchanging glances, the girls ultimately decided to join us.

Hiyori-chan met my eyes and gave me a bright smile. I tried to play it cool with a small grin of my own, but deep down, I was endlessly thanking the gods of coincidence.

Even though our study session had started with six people—Hiyori-chan, Aika-san, and Ran-san joining us—it only took fifteen minutes for everyone to completely stop studying.

"So, Kaburagi-kun, what do you and Hiyori usually do for fun?"

"Nothing special, really. Just normal dates, like any regular high school couple would."

"Whoa, you’re saying the exact same thing Hiyori did. The way you're being vague about it makes it kinda suspicious, you know?"

While casually brushing off the various questions from Aika-san and Ran-san, I was feeling a bit tense inside.

I wondered what kind of things Hiyori-chan usually told them about me. If there were any contradictions, it’d be her who’d have to deal with the fallout later, so I had to be careful with my words.

"Hey, you two, don't say anything weird to Hayato-kun, okay? I'm going to the restroom for a bit."

"Sure, take your time~!"

Aika-san waved at Hiyori-chan as she left, and once she was completely out of sight, she grinned mischievously.

"So, how's your compatibility with Hiyori? Kaburagi-kun, are you satisfied?"

"Yeah, I'm more than satisfied. I think I'm really lucky to have such an amazing girl as my girlfriend."

"Oh, that's great! You two look good together, and if you're saying things are good in that way too, then that's perfect!"

…Wait, hold on. That was about that kind of compatibility? I totally thought they were just asking about my feelings for Hiyori in an innocent way, so I answered honestly.

"You know, I think her ears are super sensitive—just touching them a little gets such a huge reaction. Kaburagi-kun, you've noticed too, right? Hiyori's ears are pretty sensitive, aren’t they?"

Ran-san, with her cute face, really knows how to hit where it hurts. What do I even do now?

"Aika-chan, that info might be super useful for me, but it’s totally pointless for Hayato. Hayato knows exactly what makes girls feel good, and he’s the type to instantly find their weak spots and go all in—he’s a total sadistic playboy, you know? There's no way he hasn't already figured out her sensitive spots."

Atsushi, you bastard, stop raising the bar with your wild fantasies. And what the hell do you mean by useful for you? If you're thinking weird stuff, I won't forgive you.

But... I see. So Hiyori-chan really is weak there, huh?

I suddenly recalled her sweet voice, the flushed look on her face, and the warmth of her skin from that night at the love hotel. Realizing where my thoughts were going, I snapped back to reality and started counting prime numbers in my head. No way could I let myself react weirdly here.

"Well, thanks for the tip, I guess... Oh, Hiyori-chan's back."

"Welcome back, Hiyori! You could've taken your time, you know?"

"Aah, Aika, Ran-chan, what's with those grins? You were definitely talking bad about me, weren't you?"

I started to stand up to make room for Hiyori-chan, who had been walking while looking at our friends. But she tripped over my foot, and as I reached out to steady her, she ended up sitting right on my lap.

"Whoa, Hayato, keep it together, man!"

"Save the flirting for when you're not with us, please!"

Despite the teasing voices around me, my body responded naturally to the sweet scent and the soft warmth of Hiyori-chan.

…But still, everyone’s watching. Gotta play it cool.

"We’re well aware that this is a public place. No flirting here."

Everyone laughed at my joking remark. Once Hiyori-chan had safely taken her seat beside me, Atsushi launched into an exaggerated story about Kengo, clearly aiming to entertain the girls.

I was listening with a smile when, all of a sudden, something soft wrapped around my left hand. Startled, I turned to look at Hiyori-chan. She was smiling mischievously, and with just the movement of her lips, she whispered, "Just for a little bit."

Her hand, holding mine from an angle invisible to the others, was warm and soft.

Maybe it was because our friends were around, but for some reason, my heart was pounding like crazy.

It must have only been a few seconds, but when her hand pulled away, I already missed the warmth. Looking at Hiyori-chan, I saw her give me a shy smile.

"…After the tests, okay?"

“Th-That means…?”

I was about to urge her to continue, my mind racing with anticipation, when—

"Aah! You were just talking about how this is a public place, and now you're totally flirting!"

Aika-san caught us red-handed, and I lost my chance to hear the rest.

As my friends teased me mercilessly, I could only pray for my racing heart to calm down.

After getting home, Hiyori-chan and I exchanged messages.

"Good job today. We didn’t get much done, though."

"Just as expected. Should we have a study session together tomorrow?"

"At the library near my place?"

"Nope. If possible, I'd prefer your house."

Looks like we were thinking the same thing.

Right after the midterm exams, Hiyori-chan had said something like, "I don't think we can concentrate if we're alone in your room."

Back then, I thought she might have been testing how I'd react, but this time, her message carried a different meaning.

Waiting until the exams were over felt too long. She probably meant that she wanted to be alone together—just once, or maybe twice—to feel each other’s presence and be fulfilled.

Now that we've been dating for a little over two months and grown closer, it feels good to understand these things about each other.

With that thought lifting my spirits, I turned to my desk, trying to channel my excitement into studying.

 

[Nakamura Hiyori's July 1st]

Friday—just before the final exams.

After studying together at the library, we walked around town for a bit.

As we headed home, with me conflicted between not wanting to leave and not wanting to ask him to stay, Hayato-kun was watching a group of middle schoolers munching on ice cream while walking home from club activities. Smiling, he said:

"I really like summer. Just going to the convenience store at night in light clothes feels kind of romantic."

"Ah, I get that! It’s kind of exciting, right?"

"The only downside is that if I go out unprepared, I get bitten by mosquitoes like crazy. Look."

His arm was covered in mosquito bites, yet his skin was still unbelievably smooth—without a single visible pore. I couldn’t help but envy him. What kind of skincare does he even do?

"Wow, that looks itchy! You okay? I never get bitten, so maybe that whole thing about blood type affecting it is just a myth."

"Well, we're both O blood type, after all."

"Oh! Maybe it’s because only female mosquitoes suck blood, right? They might prefer good-looking guys. Hayato-kun, you’re an official hottie even in the mosquito world!"

"I don’t really need validation from mosquitoes, though…"

We laughed over our silly conversation, and then—he squeezed my hand.

"Is it too hot?"

"It is! But I’m happy!"

As I squeezed his hand in return, Hayato-kun let out a cute smile.

The lukewarm wind gently brushed my cheek. I could hear the laughter of people who seemed to be university students and the heartwarming conversation of a parent and child returning from shopping. It was neither silent nor noisy—what a wonderful evening this was. I wished time would stop just like this.

—There was a reason why I found it harder than usual to part with him today.

“Even though it’s just two days, not being able to see your face or exchange messages… it makes me feel lonely.”

“Me too. But once we get through the test, summer vacation is right around the corner. Let’s focus on studying for just these two days.”

Starting next Monday, our final exams would begin.

Ever since that day when we embraced and kissed at the love hotel, our physical affection had increased significantly. I love touching Hayato-kun, and I love being touched by him, so whenever we're together, I just want to be close to him.

But that makes it hard to concentrate when we're studying together, and we concluded that if things continued like this, our test results would suffer. Getting failing grades would mean mandatory supplementary classes, eating up a whole week of summer vacation, which would be unpleasant. More than that, though, I didn’t want people to think I had neglected my studies just because I got a boyfriend.

So we decided to endure it for just two days—no meeting and no contact—so we could focus entirely on studying.

Final exams were a drag, but they were also an event that made me realize how close summer vacation was.

This summer is bound to be fun. Thinking that way makes studying easier.

Even though we walked slowly, we had already arrived in front of my apartment building. Reluctantly, I let go of our intertwined hands, which had become slightly sweaty.

"Thanks for walking me home, Hayato-kun."

"Yeah, see you Monday."

As he said that and waved goodbye, preparing to leave, I sent him a gaze filled with my feelings. I'm sure he understood exactly what I wanted to say. But I also knew he was holding back for my sake, thinking that if we did it now, we wouldn't be able to endure the weekend apart.

But... sorry. I'm the one who can't hold back.

"...Aren't you going to?"

I found myself pleading without thinking. Hayato-kun quickly stepped closer, checked that no one was around, and then placed a light kiss on me—just a fleeting touch.

It felt a little unsatisfying, but the warmth of his feelings reached me, filling my heart.

"Let's do our best with studying."

With his gentle voice, he finally turned and walked away. I watched him until he disappeared from view, thinking to myself—

──I should've asked him for just one more kiss!

 

[Kaburagi Hayato's July 3rd]

 

The day before the test, Sunday.

Even when I'm doing my best studying alone in my room, there are moments when my concentration inevitably breaks. Just like now—when I keep running into problems I don't understand, it crushes my motivation.

Staring at the reference book, I try to review the grammar rules once again, my brow furrowing naturally.

This is hopeless. I don't get it at all.

"Hayato! Shino-chan is here!"

Hearing my mom's voice from downstairs, I spring out of my chair and rush to open my door.

"You're a lifesaver! Please, Shino-sama, lend me your wisdom!"

Any sense of pride from being a year older than her? Long gone—probably eaten by a stray dog somewhere.

At the entrance, Shino, who was adjusting her shoes, lets out a soft chuckle.

"Don't look so happy about it... geez."

She hands my mom a package, then makes her way up to the second floor, stepping into my room.

"So, what's up today? Is your mom with you?"

"Nope, just me. I came to drop off some things we got as gifts... and to check on you."

"Ah... yeah, after that study session, you probably realized how hopeless I am. Can't blame you for being worried."

I point at the problem on my desk—the one that’s been giving me so much trouble.

"As you can see, I'm totally struggling here. This... no, actually, this entire section—I don't get it at all, and I'm about to cry. Please teach me!"

With a sigh, Shino lowers her gaze to my open workbook.

"That’s not exactly what I meant when I said I was worried... but okay, I'll borrow your mechanical pencil."

She says this while smoothly working through the problems, explaining them as she goes. Apparently, they've already covered this at Oujou Girls' Academy, but even so, the way she solves them so effortlessly and explains them so clearly is impressive.

It feels strange seeing the gap between the Shino I knew—the clingy, crybaby little girl—and the competent high schooler in front of me. She may still be petite, but she's grown up a lot.

"...Hayato, are you listening?"

Just as I was thinking that, Shino tucked her hair behind her ear, and for some reason, the gesture struck me as oddly mature. Despite being the one receiving help, I found myself feeling guilty for perceiving a hint of femininity in it.

"Y-yeah, I'm listening! Alright, let me give it a shot! Thanks!"

Trying to push aside any unnecessary thoughts, I eagerly dove into solving the problems she'd just explained.

Thanks to Shino’s guidance, I started cracking questions that had previously seemed impossible. Maybe this is what they call being 'in the zone' in sports. I figured I might as well ride the momentum and keep solving more problems, focusing intently as my mechanical pencil scratched across the paper.

While I was absorbed in my work, Shino quietly sat on my bed, not saying a word. I figured she was probably scrolling through her phone or something. Even though she was technically a guest, I couldn't help but take advantage of the situation to study.

Compared to the so-called study session with Atsushi and the others the other day, this was on a whole different level. Honestly, that wasn't studying at all. This moment right now—this is what real studying should be.

How much time had passed?

"Hayato-chan. Are you about done?"

Her voice snapped me out of my focus. I checked the clock—fifty minutes had passed since Shino arrived.

When I turned around, she was sitting on my bed in the exact same position as before, watching me.

"Whoa, sorry, sorry! I totally took advantage of you being here, Shino. Want something to drink? Or is it about time for you to head home?"

"No, that's not it... but hey, do you think it's bad for a girl to be in the house of a guy who has a girlfriend?"

"Huh? You're my childhood friend, basically like a little sister, so it's fine, right? Wait here, I'll grab something to drink from downstairs."

Just as I was about to pass by her, she grabbed my wrist.

"...That kind of thinking is annoying. Sit here."

For some reason, Shino seemed upset. I did as she asked and sat down beside her on the bed.

Sitting there side by side, I almost started thinking about everything that happened with Hiyori-chan at the love hotel, but the girl in front of me was nothing like her. Shino, with her straight black hair, was my childhood friend—nothing more, nothing less.

"How are things with Nakamura-san lately?"

"Really great. Can you believe someone as cute as her is actually my girlfriend? Pretty amazing, right?"

Not seeing Hiyori for a whole day had taken its toll, and even though I usually wouldn't brag, I couldn't help but show off how happy I was.

"......Hmm, I see. By the way, my favorite four-character idiom is '臥が薪しん嘗しょう胆たん' (lying on a firewood pile and tasting courage)and my motto is '忍耐' (patience)."

"Does that have anything to do with the current conversation!? I'm studying English, not Japanese literature right now!?"

I have no idea what she’s trying to say. Is this some kind of revenge for being left alone for fifty minutes? Like, "Even though it's test period, use your brain resources on me," or something.

"English, huh... By the way, a friend of mine who went abroad the other day stayed at a really nice hotel. The room had a big bed, big enough for three people to sleep on, and you could see a beautiful ocean. Isn't that enviable?"

"Three? Hmm, I thought it was standard for two people to share a room, but I guess the trend for girls' get-togethers is really true."

"...My friend went to a resort hotel with her family, okay? Where did you get the idea that it's always for two people? ...Hayato-chan, could it be that you’re confusing this with a different kind of hotel?"

Oops! I’ve completely dug my own grave! I unconsciously assumed it was a love hotel just because I briefly thought about it earlier when she mentioned a hotel.

I couldn’t help but avert my eyes from Shino, who was giving me a suspicious look, and forced a wry smile.

"Hayato-chan has a girlfriend, so... have you ever done... 'those' things?"

"Huh!? Well, um... that's a secret! It's too soon for you, Shino."

She had completely seen through that I was talking about a love hotel.

Shino silently stared at me. After such a long time together, I could immediately tell that she probably wanted to say something, but since I’ve already dug my own grave, I decided not to bring up the topic myself.

"...Ah, you see, Hayato-chan... I, have something, I want to ask you..."

I felt relieved when Shino changed the subject.

"You don't have to make it sound so difficult. Well, there's probably nothing I can teach you anyway. What subject is it?"

Even though I was just asking a simple question, there was a strange pause.

I waited for Shino to speak, as she stared at me. She was about to say something while placing her hand on the back of my hand, but eventually, she quietly averted her gaze and let out a small sigh.

"...No, it's nothing. If I could easily say it here, I think the relationship between me and Hayato-chan would definitely be different."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"...I won't tell you."

Shino's way of speaking was extremely difficult for me to decipher, and since I didn't get an answer when I asked, I probably would never know what it meant.

But more than that, what concerned me was that Shino seemed different somehow. It looked like she suddenly lost energy, and I started to worry.

"Shino, are you feeling unwell? You can use my bed if you want to lie down for a bit."

"...I'm not unwell. I'm really fine, so don't worry. ...But, I’ll take you up on your offer and lie down for a while."

I watched Shino cover herself with a blanket and, though I was concerned, I turned back to the desk. She said she wasn’t unwell, but with all the studying she does every day, she was probably tired, so I hoped she could get some rest.

"Hayato-chan."

After some time, Shino called my name.

"Hmm? What’s wrong?"

"...I just called you."

"...I knew it, you must have a fever or something. You're turning into the clingy, needy little sister you used to be, huh?"

"Is that okay? Just for now. We’re alone, after all. Hey... Hayato-chan."

"What’s up?"

"Come over here for a bit."

I think of Shino as a cute little sister, someone I care about deeply, though not in a romantic way. I want to cherish her. So even though she’s often said to be responsible, whenever Shino expresses selfishness, I’ve decided to take it on fully and support her.

Following her request, I approached the bed, and Shino gently pulled out just her small left hand from under the blanket.

"Hold my hand. It makes me feel calm."

"Okay."

I sat at the edge of the bed and gently held her small hand.

How long had we been like this? When the warmth from our hands began to mix, Shino looked up at me with eyes that seemed slightly misty, and spoke.

"...I'm sorry, Hayato-chan."

"Huh? What for?"

Seeing me tilt my head slightly, Shino slowly blinked, then quietly exhaled.

"I think I should head home soon. Good luck with your final exams."

"Ah, yeah. Thanks for helping me study."

She seemed like she wanted to say something, but after getting out of bed, Shino simply said, "Well, see you later," and left the room.

Today, Shino seemed a bit different from usual, but I didn’t have the time or energy to pry into it with the exams right around the corner.

I needed to give my best effort for the summer vacation with Hiyori-chan.

With a renewed sense of determination, I immediately got back to the problem set and focused on my studies.