listen, actually, It's My First Time. 87 Days Until My First Time With a Loose-Ish, Innocent Girlfriend V1 - Ch 8

 Chapter 8: First Experience

[Nakamura Hiyori's July 21^st]

 

I thought I was prepared.

But when I opened the message from Hayato-kun after such a long time, I was overwhelmed with emotion and couldn't stop the tears from overflowing.

"I have something to talk about. Can we meet the day after tomorrow?"

During this period of distance, there's only one reason for such a message. Hayato-kun is surely planning to officially break up with me.

The fact that he's not letting it fade away ambiguously shows how sincere Hayato-kun is. Even with a girl rumored to be as experienced as me, he truly cherished me from start to finish.

That's why I've come to love him even more than when we first met.

Even as I wiped my tears, I couldn't suppress my jealousy toward the future girls Hayato-kun would cherish.

I wanted to be the one by Hayato-kun's side forever. But now, I won't even be allowed to express such selfishness.

No matter what anyone said, even if a hundred people hated me, I thought it would be enough if Hayato-kun loved me. I had decided to give him everything—my feelings, my virginity.

But I decided to seal these feelings away in my heart.

In the end, I couldn't tell him.

I was too afraid of him being disillusioned, and I never managed to confess that I was a virgin.

Because I didn't deny the rumors, I couldn't bring myself to tell him even when we were about to have sex, and I ended up cooling his feelings.

If that's the case, I should at least end things in a way that suits the rumors, without troubling Hayato-kun any further.

I've kept up my pride all this time. If I can't do it now, I'm not a woman.

"It's fine. Is the park near your apartment okay?"

After replying, I took out the outfit I thought was the cutest from my closet. And then, the underwear too. Then, I selected my favorite earrings from my jewelry box.

This would probably be the last time we met. I wanted to leave behind even a small memory of me looking cute in Hayato-kun's mind.

Tears fell onto the clothes. No, this won't do. I absolutely must not cry during our breakup talk the day after tomorrow. It would trouble Hayato-kun.

...But for now, I might not be able to hold back.

Pushing my restraint aside for the moment, I let myself cry as much as I wanted.

 

[Nakamura Hiyori’s July 23^rd]

 

The awaited Saturday arrived.

Hayato-kun had work until 4 PM, but he was already at the park, our meeting spot, sitting on a bench, even before I arrived 15 minutes early. His profile, illuminated by the light through the trees while looking at his phone, was so handsome that even from a distance, he looked like a painting.

...But this isn't the time to be admiring him. I hurried over to him and clapped my hands together.

"S-sorry, Hayato-kun. Did I make you wait?"

"I wasn't waiting. I just came early because I wanted to. By the way, it's super hot for the evening today. Should we go into some shop?"

The thought that this might be the last time for such an exchange made me want to cry at every word.

I wanted to savor every word and the atmosphere that surrounded Hayato-kun.

While trying to burn his beautiful face into my memory, I forced a brave smile.

"No, it's okay. Can I sit next to you?"

Being outside was more convenient because if I accidentally started crying in a shop, it would bother both Hayato-kun and the staff.

"Sorry for calling you out so suddenly. I had something I really wanted to say to Hiyori-chan's face."

My heart skipped a beat. We were about to get to the main point. Our relationship was about to end.

Our eyes met. Move, my lips. I decided not to let Hayato-kun have the hard role of breaking up, to not make him feel bad, to end things in a way befitting a girl with a reputation for being experienced.

Forcing my lips into a smile, I said,

"Y-yeah, it must be tough dating someone with weird rumors like me, right? And yet, I couldn't... even at the love hotel... Haha, sorry for being such a disappointing girlfriend! So... so..."

Oh, that's why I'm no good. Even though I told myself this was to lessen Hayato-kun's burden, all I was doing was trying to lessen my own pain by deflecting. What a pathetic woman I am, just setting up defenses.

I'm really not worthy of being Hayato-kun's girlfriend.

My eyes started to well up with heat. No, I didn't want to trouble Hayato-kun. I had decided not to cry, no matter what. If I said any more, I felt like I wouldn't be able to hold back the tears.

"Don't say that. Hiyori-chan's rumors, I don't care about any of that."

Hayato-kun looked at me with such a serious expression.

"There's something I've always wanted to tell you, Hiyori-chan... You might be turned off, but I want you to listen."

"...Okay."

Even though I wanted to look away, I was drawn in by Hayato-kun's charm, and then his lips finally parted.

 

"...I'm actually a virgin."

It was such an unexpected statement to come out in this situation, such an inappropriate confession, that it took me a moment to grasp its meaning.

"...Eh?"

Hayato-kun, still looking at me intently, didn't waver from his serious expression.

Not a joke, then... If that's the case, were we both putting up the same facade all this time?

Memories of the two of us flashed through my mind like a slideshow, adding to my confusion.

Calm down, me. Whatever it is, let's hear him out first, I thought.

 

[Kaburagi Hayato's July 23^rd]

 

--- I'm actually a virgin.

After making that once-in-a-lifetime confession, I let out a big breath.

Even though I had prepared myself, it was one of the most nerve-wracking confessions I've ever made. To not let Hiyori-chan see my trembling hands, I quietly clenched them into fists.

Hiyori-chan, perhaps from shock, stared at me with wide eyes, not moving, as if her brain was frantically processing the information.

Of course, she would be surprised. She never expected her boyfriend, who was rumored to be a playboy, to be a virgin.

"...Eh? So, that means...?"

Hiyori-chan, tilting her head in confusion, was exactly as I expected. If she had told me she was actually a virgin, I would've thought it was a joke or a prank.

"Yeah. Even though some people call me a playboy, I've never had sex with a girl, and you're my first girlfriend. I'm a genuine virgin."

"S-so that's how it was..."

"...I couldn't say it. Since I joined the popular group in high school, hearing about everyone's flashy relationships, I couldn't admit I was a virgin, and before I knew it, I was labeled as a playboy... and since then, I've been too embarrassed to deny it. I've been living with this pretense."

I might be rejected or disliked for confessing this. But I didn't want to keep lying to her anymore, especially not to Hiyori-chan.

Then, I took another breath to confess one more secret I hadn't been able to say before.

"There's one more thing I want to tell you... I've loved you since the day of the high school entrance exam. I've been pining for you for over a year, and I was so excited when we finally started dating, but I was too scared to seem heavy-handed, so I couldn't tell you how I truly felt. I was afraid to reveal my one-sided love and confess seriously because I was scared of being rejected."

I looked into her eyes, pouring all my feelings into my words.

"So when I confessed before, it was in such a light manner, but... I really, really, really love you, Hiyori-chan."

Expressing my affection with such straightforward words made me feel like every cell in my body had lightened up or activated, giving me a sense of liberation and joy.

Oh, if only I had said this sooner.

If she accepts my confession and we can walk together again, I want to keep telling her how I feel without embarrassment.

There are so many things I want to do together.

But it all depends on Hiyori-chan's response.

Hiyori-chan's big eyes were wavering. What could she be thinking after hearing two of my sudden confessions?

"...Hayato-kun, I, I..."

"Wait. Please hear me out just a little more."

I decided not to guess her emotions at this moment.

Now, like a true virgin, without the luxury of thinking about her, I should just focus on myself and go all out.

"I've been swayed a lot by rumors and the image people have of me. But I've decided not to care about that anymore. I'm not a playboy, and even if I haven't known many girls, I want to cherish you with all I've got."

I could hear my heartbeat. Her beautiful, moist eyes were just staring at me.

"Maybe I'm not good enough for Hiyori-chan... There might be many smarter, more stylish guys out there who could make you happier, like the guy you were with that day. But if it's just about how much I like you, I'm confident I'm not losing."

I knew I was saying something quite naive. Nonetheless, I continued to express myself in my own words.

"I've been misunderstood because of my pride, and I've been living up to everyone's image of me... but I don't want to lie to you anymore. Even if it's embarrassing, I'll work to be loved for who I truly am. So..."

I was nervous. I took a breath and looked at the dear girl in front of me.

I spoke with my unadorned, genuine words.

"I want you to stay with me from now on, forever."

It was a clumsy, awkward confession compared to the light-hearted "Will you go out with me?" I had said when I first confessed.

But I put all my feelings into it. Even if I might not fall in love again for the next ten years if I got rejected, I managed to convey my one-sided love.

Would Hiyori-chan accept this bared truth of mine?

It felt like an eternity until Hiyori-chan's words broke through the suspended time.

"...Please don't be surprised, and if possible, don't be put off by this... but..."

"I won't be surprised, and I won't be put off no matter what you say. I promise."

No matter what she said, I was determined to accept it. But,

"...Um... actually, I too, I mean, I have no experience... In other words... I-I'm a virgin."

I broke my promise not to be surprised right away, but staying calm was beyond me.

Just like Hiyori-chan moments ago, now it was my body that froze. I was experiencing what it felt like when one's thoughts hit a snag.

"S-sorry. I couldn't say it... I was scared you'd be put off or think I was troublesome... It's laughable, right? Me, who blushes just at your touch, being called a playgirl. I thought maybe you knew and were just pretending not to notice... but that wasn't the case?"

I shook my head vigorously.

"Well, I did feel you were more innocent than I thought... But I didn't have the composure to deal with it... But, I love you no matter what, Hiyori-chan!"

The number of sexual partners really doesn't matter. What's important is the Hiyori-chan I've seen with my own eyes.

I genuinely regret not confirming it when I had the chance. If I had asked about the things that bothered me, we wouldn't have had this silly misunderstanding.

"Yeah... thank you."

Hiyori-chan took my hand. The warmth of her soft hand, which I hadn't felt in a while, seemed to convey joy to my body.

"...Even with all the weird rumors about me, I was happy because Hayato-kun always treated me with such care. I haven't experienced sex yet, but... thanks to you, I've had a wonderful first love."

At the word "first love," I blinked, and Hiyori-chan gave me a cute, playful smile.

"You said you liked me since the entrance exam, right? ...I've liked you since that day too. I think I'm really lucky because my first love and my one-sided love both came true."

Could there be anything happier than this?

I felt like I was floating, but Hiyori-chan's hand holding mine kept me grounded in reality.

Hiyori-chan looked straight into my eyes, without any embarrassment or shyness, and spoke clearly.

"I love you, Hayato-kun. I love you so much. I want my first time to be with you. I can't imagine it being with anyone else."

"Hiyori-chan..."

After more than a year of mutual one-sided love and three months of dating under the guise of pride, we finally managed to lay our hearts bare and confront each other with our true feelings.

And with that, it must have been instinctual.

Once we had shed that layer, there was no holding back.

As if our feelings couldn't be contained, we naturally moved our faces closer. Seeking her lips as if to express our overflowing emotions, our teeth awkwardly clinked together.

We looked at each other and, unable to hold back, laughed.

"That was a terrible kiss. And it's so hot I'm sweating like crazy, I wasn't cool at all."

"Haha, you're right... But, I liked that kiss."

It was an awkward kiss for two people rumored to be playboys and playgirls, but it was a happy kiss filled with mutual affection.

While we were passionately conveying our feelings, the sun had set, welcoming the twilight hour. The purple world of the park, just the two of us, felt like it was leading us into another dimension, a mysterious space.

I didn't want to go home yet. I didn't want to let her go home yet.

It seemed Hiyori-chan felt the same way. She whispered while resting her head on my shoulder.

"...Today... my parents are out on a date, and they won't be back until late."

My heart made a loud noise.

I wasn't so dense as to not understand what she meant, and I didn't have the luxury or conscience to play dumb.

Swallowing hard, I asked her if she was sure.

"...Is that...?"

"...I want to stay together a little longer today..."

A girl's straightforward desire can drive a guy mad.

Holding back my explosive desire, I squeezed her hand tightly.

Hiyori-chan had gathered the courage to say this despite her embarrassment.

The last words had to come from me, the guy.

"...Can I come to your house?"

 

—One hour until the first experience—

 

☆

 

I knew the way to Hiyori-chan's house because I had walked her home several times, but entering her apartment was a first.

"I'm home... except, no one's here."

The entrance door closed behind us. My expectations and tension grew with the echo of my voice that went unanswered.

Guided by Hiyori-chan through the hallway, she said with slight embarrassment at the door to her room,

"...I didn't expect this, so it's kind of messy, but... please come in."

What caught my eye through the opened door was the room of the girl I had always wanted to visit. She called it messy, but it was quite neat, and the furniture, unified in black and white, gave off a maturity that contrasted with her appearance.

"It's really clean. Masahiro and Masahito's room is a mess. There's a rumor that people with allergies would have non-stop sneezing and runny noses if they went in there."

"Ahaha, really? Do they clean up when a girl comes over?"

"He said he cleans up a lot. But when it's too much trouble, they go to a love hotel, so they often struggle with money... Oh."

My eyes were drawn to the numerous photos displayed on an open shelf and the surrounding walls.

"This is from the sports festival in our first year. You and Saki-san, everyone looks so spirited!"

"These events really make you want to give your all, right? We set a goal of 'First time ever! First-year victory!' and worked super hard. Good memories!"

The photos were warm, reflecting her likable personality that draws people to her. There were various compositions and expressions, but one thing common was that Hiyori-chan looked cute in every picture.

"Ugh... these photos from around here... I was really chubby back in middle school! It's embarrassing, so don't look too closely!"

"I think Hiyori-chan was cute even back then... Ah! This person..."

Looking at one photo, I opened my eyes wide.

It was a photo of a slightly younger Hiyori-chan with a man making a peace sign in front of a giraffe at the zoo - the handsome guy with the black mask who I saw with her in Shibuya when I was out to buy her birthday present.

Unpleasant memories flashed back, making my mouth dry.

But I decided. To trust Hiyori-chan as I've seen her with my own eyes.

"...This guy, is he your friend? ...I saw you walking with him the other day in Shibuya."

Trying not to show my nervousness, I pointed at the handsome guy.

"This person? He's my brother. People used to say we looked alike, but maybe not so much now? He lives alone but comes back sometimes. The last time we went out together was probably in Shibuya, huh? Was that when you saw us?"

Her straightforward answer left me taken aback.

"Y-yeah. Eh, he's your brother? The guy with the hoop earrings, the handsome one?"

"Yeah. I don't think he's that handsome, but he does wear earrings a lot. Oh, this more recent photo might show his face better."

The photo Hiyori-chan pointed to showed the same handsome guy eating with people who seemed to be her parents.

The parts I couldn't see clearly because of the mask in Shibuya were now visible. His nose and the shape of his lips were very similar to Hiyori-chan's.

The tension left my body. I felt both relief and the embarrassment of jumping to conclusions, wanting to sit right there. Hiyori-chan, peeking at my face as I managed to stay standing, asked with a worried look,

"...When you mentioned the guy I was with at the park, I was wondering if you thought I was cheating because you saw me with my brother?"

"...Yeah... S-sorry... I mean, you had matching brand bags, so I thought you were close..."

Saying it out loud, I realized how foolish my assumptions were. I should have considered the possibility of her having a sibling first.

"Argh! That's scary! If you misunderstood and started hating me without me knowing, I'd never recover!"

"I'm really, really sorry! It was my fault for making you worry unnecessarily... How can I make it up to you?"

While Hiyori-chan was playfully hitting my chest, I felt genuinely sorry. Then, out of nowhere, she hugged me tightly from the front.

"It's okay, I forgive you. Thanks to your misunderstanding, we could be ourselves. But..."

Her heartbeat thumped against my chest.

"...I only like you, Hayato-kun. I want you to trust me more."

I've always wondered how playboys manage to get to the point of having sex with girls. There must be some technique to it.

But I haven't learned those techniques or manners yet. I awkwardly pushed Hiyori-chan down onto the bed.

Her moist eyes were looking at me. What kind of face was I making? I was trembling with nervousness; my heart felt like it would leap out of my mouth.

I slowly moved my face closer and kissed her. To ease our tension or to stop thinking altogether, we intertwined our tongues, preparing to become one step by step.

"...Ah..."

Sweet breaths escaped from Hiyori-chan's lips. Clumsily, I began to undress her with my trembling hands, and the sight of her pure white skin almost drove me crazy with its sensuality.

"...I-It's still embarrassing..."

"...Sorry. But... I can't look away..."

My gaze was naturally drawn to the girl lying before me. What a beautiful body, I thought.

Even though she wasn't completely undressed, the sight of her white skin and her long, slender legs up close took my breath away.

She exuded a mysterious allure that made me feel like I shouldn't touch her, yet also an impure desire to defile her with my hands - opposing charms that I couldn't resist.

Her disheveled hair while lying on the bed, her chest wrapped in a bra, everything was fresh and divine.

If I could be more vulgar, it was erotic. Exciting. The best.

"...H-Hayato-kun..."

Hearing my name in such a seductive voice while I was mesmerized made my heart rate spike.

"...Is it... okay just to look...?"

The desire to keep looking at her and the urge to become one with her right away were battling within me, but her words broke the dam.

The pleasure from our lips meeting spread through my body, and my mind, already preoccupied with her, was now completely filled with her presence.

It wasn't a bad feeling at all; rather, it was blissful... Could I take off her bra now? I wanted to touch her breasts, which seemed too large to fit in one hand, something I had only fantasized about.

There it was, her white chest, concealed by the bra. Overwhelmed by the surreal reality, I swallowed, seeking that definite sensation.

"It's embarrassing being the only one naked..."

She murmured while looking at me, her cheeks flushed.

...What exactly was embarrassing? Was it the position she was in, half-naked on the bed? But in sex, doesn't the guy have to take some initiative...? Ah! She wants me to undress too!

I think I had the right answer, but I froze.

Do I undress now? But I haven't made her feel good yet, would it be weird to undress? And if I do, how much? Just the top? Or everything?

--- I don't know. When and how am I supposed to undress?

If I were an experienced guy, my body would move naturally and smartly.

But I'm a virgin about to have my first experience, seeing and touching a girl for the first time. The timing of undressing is a problem too big for me, so my mind quickly filled with question marks.

Would I be able to successfully complete my first time?

While I was panicking inside, still trying to act cool, she, in her underwear, was looking at me with her big eyes.

So, what should I do? How do I proceed?

With all my knowledge but zero experience, my head was too full, causing my body to come to a halt.

Hiyori-chan gently touched my cheeks with both hands.

"Hayato-kun, are you nervous too...? I-I'm actually super nervous."

Her hands were trembling slightly.

"Since it's our first time for both of us, it doesn't have to go perfectly. Whether we succeed or fail, it'll become our memory... I'm just setting up defenses for if I mess up."

Seeing her laugh while saying that, I wanted to punch myself.

She's a girl, probably a hundred times more nervous and anxious than me, and here I am, needing her to reassure me. That's so lame. It's not manly.

It doesn't have to go perfectly. Let's follow my heart and desire her.

"...I'll take everything off."

The black lace bra covering her large chest made me dizzy. It seemed too mature for her to wear, but it was incredibly arousing.

As I reached for her bra, Hiyori-chan muttered shyly,

"This... I-I chose this with Chiharu-san... Did Hayato-kun like it?"

"Yeah. It's cute. The best. I'm so happy you chose it for me, I might faint... But, I'm going to take it off."

Saying that, I reached around her back, grabbing the hook with my right hand. I had the experience of fastening one at karaoke while still putting up a front about three months ago. And now, finally, I was about to experience undoing one, which was quite emotional.

Successfully unhooking it with one hand, the bra that had been covering her chest floated up. With joy and emotion in my heart, I swallowed once, imagining the softness I was about to see, and gently removed the bra.

I was overwhelmed by the sight of those uniquely feminine curves for the first time.

Even though I had decided to desire her with my heart, even if I was dying to touch her, I hesitated before this pure and beautiful body because I loved her too much.

What if I hurt her or made her cry?

I lacked confidence. Because she was so precious, the thought of hurting her made me anxious.

As I froze up again, Hiyori-chan asked,

"...Hayato-kun... on the day of the entrance exam, or rather, when your glasses broke, do you remember what I said...?"

"...Um... something like, 'Since we're taking the exam for the same high school, I'll take you there'...?"

Why would she bring that up now? As I tilted my head in confusion, Hiyori-chan gave me a gentle smile and shook her head.

"...You might be anxious, but I'm here for you. I told you not to leave me... so it's okay. I... I won't leave you no matter what happens."

From the day we first met, through my high school debut, and even after we started dating, I was always anxious. I learned to put up a front, always trying to look cool, fearing that if I showed my true self, she might be put off or leave me.

Now, my contact lenses are in place, my vision is clear, and there's no chance of getting lost.

But I will never leave her side.

Touching her, being touched by her, connecting with her at the deepest level we've ever experienced. I wanted to connect.

--- The me from that day tells the me now:

It was good to fall in love with Hiyori-chan.

"...You're too cute, aren't you?"

That was the last bit of pretense I could muster. After that, the feeling of turning into a beast, only able to think of her with pure desire, grew stronger.

As I touched the swell of her chest, which seemed too soft to be real, her breath, at first ticklish, became increasingly heavy. When I intentionally touched the hardened tip, hearing a sweet voice from her that I'd never heard before, I lost all control.

"...Feels good?"

"...It's ticklish... and feels good, mixed together..."

I took her hand that was hiding her face in embarrassment, looked into her moist eyes, and kissed her.

Even as a virgin, fumbling awkwardly here and there, I couldn't hide my eagerness. People would laugh at calling someone like me a playboy.

Kissing, expressing my feelings with words, touching her white body repeatedly with my fingers and lips, I loved her with all the expressions I could muster.

Hiyori-chan's breathing became erratic. My desire reached its limit.

It felt like our emotions were connecting stronger and deeper than ever before.

And then, the moment arrived. Both Hiyori-chan and I sensed it.

We were nervous, anxious.

But somehow, the joy of becoming one with her filled every part of me.

After putting on protection, she begged for a kiss. I heightened her emotions with my tongue and then gently pulled away from her lips.

"...Okay?"

"...Yes, come. ...Um, Hayato-kun, I have a request."

"What?"

"...If possible... during... I want you to call my name... Is that okay?"

My rationality was completely blown away.

Awkwardly moving my hips, slowly, very slowly opening her door—we finally became one for the first time.

The first sensation. I was desperate to endure a pleasure beyond words. It felt like experiencing something that could change my life.

--- But Hiyori-chan was grimacing in pain.

Sex is something done by two people. It's not right if only I'm feeling good.

If she's in this much pain, maybe we shouldn't go all the way today? I decided not to force coolness but to seek her; however, if it's too much of a burden for her, that's another issue.

Just as I decided to stop, she wrapped her arms around my neck, whispering in my ear.

"Don't stop... I can handle it."

Despite enduring pain beyond my imagination, Hiyori-chan was trying hard to make our first time a success.

As her boyfriend, how could I not trust her determination?

"...Alright... I'll move then."

Watching Hiyori-chan nod slightly, I began to move slowly. The tightness and her pained voice conveyed her discomfort. Her valiant effort to accept me made my love for her overflow.

"...I love you."

The feelings for Hiyori-chan I couldn't keep inside spilled from my lips.

"Ah..."

At that moment, it felt like the tightness inside her eased slightly. ...Maybe my words made her feel something? My affection for her exploded, and as I moved, I whispered my feelings in her ear.

Each time, I could feel her sensitivity increase through her voice and body. Receiving such cute responses directly, I, who had no composure to begin with, could only sink deeper into the act with her.

"...Hiyori-chan."

"Ah... mmn...!"

From her reaction when I called her name, I knew she was happy.

"Hiyori-chan."

"Mm, ah..."

Her seductive voice heightened my excitement even more.

"...Hiyori."

When I called her without honorifics, hearing her most primal moan yet, I sensed my end was near.

"I might reach my limit soon..."

Holding her hand, I told her, and she squeezed mine back.

"...For the end... I want a kiss...!"

Before I could even respond, I took her lips. She was too cute; I couldn't hold back.

As my feelings for Hiyori-chan reached their peak, my first experience came to a successful close.

In the room with the air conditioning on full blast, we lay wrapped in each other's arms, basking in the afterglow of our first time.

"Hiyori-chan, are you okay? Can you move?"

"Mm... maybe I want to stay like this for a little longer... in many ways..."

I gently stroked Hiyori-chan's head, who hadn't said "it hurts" until the very end out of consideration for me. I was genuinely glad she was my first, and I was glad to be her first.

"...Hayato-kun..."

"Hm? What's up?"

Hiyori-chan, still naked and clinging to me, looked up and smiled.

"I love you."

Sex is about baring not just your body but all your inner feelings and past experiences. There's no room for pretense or pride.

That's why, with all honesty, from the bottom of my heart, I told her:

"I love you too."

I wanted to cherish her more than ever before.

Because sex isn't the end goal for lovers; it's just one of many beginnings.

I, having just graduated from virginity, held my beloved tightly, thinking such naive thoughts.

 

──── 2 minutes since the first time we do it. ────

 

Our new relationship had already begun.