VI. Shining Beside You
Recess at school bursts into noise, as if sweeping away the quiet of class. With the chime, I leave my seat and sit at the podium.
“Runaー. What’re you folding?”
As my hands move with practiced ease, Miyo-chan comes over.
“It’s origami called a lucky star.”
“Oh—show me?”
“Sure, okay.”
Miyo-chan picks up a tiny star, praising it with, “Cute!”
“Runa’s really a star maniac, huh? I mean, isn’t that a constellation too?”
She points at the phone strap poking from my skirt pocket—silver Orion, a gift from Towa.
“T-This came with tea…”
“Your ponytail scrunchie’s starry too, right?”
“Oh, you noticed? It’s got planets hidden in it.”
“Yeah, yeah. Runa looks cute in anything.”
For some reason, Miyo-chan pats my head once.
My interest in stars probably stems from Towa. Keeping star stuff close kept loneliness at bay. Even now, I calm my heart with stars.
“By the way, you gave your number to a third-year senior, right?”
“Uh… forcibly, yeah.”
A senior stopped me in the hall, blocking my way unless I told him, so I had no choice.
“But he’s cool! Runa might not know, but he’s super popular!”
“…I see.”
Popular or not, he doesn’t charm me. He texts nonstop—earlier, he asked to eat lunch together. I haven’t replied.
“I’d date him in a heartbeat.”
Miyo-chan goes on about how ignoring him’s a waste. I once faked dating Shoji-kun, but that faded over time and quietly died out.
“But I don’t think he actually likes me.”
He chats up others too—seems like anyone in his type range works.
“That’s why it’s great. Players don’t cling, so it’s easy.”
“Easy?”
“They say second-best beats first, right? Things never work with your true love, so someone you can just hang with is way better.”
Her words hit home, and I grip the Orion strap tight. Miyo-chan’s right on target.
“You like me, right?”
Towa asked straight what I want to deny. …Yeah. That’s why it hurts so much.
No matter how I agonize or think, my “like” only wounds Towa.
Lunch break. In the courtyard, scented with autumn, I unpack my bento. Just egg rolls and hamburger patties—simple—but someone peers over.
“Whoa! Runa-chan, you made that bento?”
The excited shout comes from the senior. After Miyo-chan’s “better with someone easy” advice pushed me, I’d texted back, “I’ll join you.”
“Mom usually preps it, but I made it today.”
“Then make me one next time!”
“Haha… I-I’ll think about it.”
I force a smile, popping a sausage in my mouth. I’m not using him—not a speck. But being with someone who won’t stir my heart lets me breathe.
“Huh, wha—?”
A voice lifts my gaze—Shoji-kun passes the bench, Towa beside him. My heart leaps unbidden. They carry bentos I made—maybe they’d planned to eat together. Towa stares silently. His look alone chokes my breath.
When galaxy dust rose from him, it felt like the world ended. Stealing a lifespan is that sinful. Since then, I’ve seen it at the fireworks and last club meeting—both times up close. How much life those two glimpses took, I don’t know. Even a second shaving Towa’s future crushes my chest with pain.
“S-Senior! Wanna walk home together today?”
I blurt it out, voice raised.
“Huh? Sure! But Runa-chan’s got club, right? I’m a ghost basketball member—should I wait in the school till you’re done?”
“No, I’ll skip club today!”
“Nice! Then, yeah, let’s go home together.”
I flaunt friendliness with the senior on purpose. Towa knows my illness but stays kind, still reaching out. So I’ll do things to disgust him, make him pull away. It’s the only way I can think of.
After school, as promised, I leave with the senior. It was just to the fork in the road, but he suggests, “Let’s detour!” We end up chatting an hour at a fast-food joint by the station.
What am I doing? Sighing, I walk the slope home alone when…
“Took you long.”
Ahead, Towa stands, arms crossed. Club shouldn’t be over—maybe he skipped astronomy too. Was he waiting for me?
“W-Waiting’s a creepy hobby!”
I try to brush past—my arm’s grabbed.
“Stop doing this.”
“What?”
“Eating or going home with someone you don’t care about.”
Towa doesn’t get my illness at all. I can eat and walk home with someone I don’t care about because of it.
“You’ve got no right to judge. If you’re fed up with me, fine—I’ll keep being close with him…”
Then, cutting me off, he yanks my hand hard. Before I can blink, I’m in Towa’s arms. My heart pounds wild. No, the galaxy’ll show. No.
“S-Stop! Why’re you doing this?”
I shove him away with all my strength.
“I like you, so I don’t want you close with other guys.”
Why so direct?
Why chase me when I run?
Do you know how I feel?
“I said I don’t like you!”
“Don’t lie.”
“How can you be so sure?”
I bite my lip, glaring hard.
“If you want romance, do it with someone else.”
“I want it with you.”
“Not me—someone you’ll like later.”
“You think I’ll change my heart?”
“I mean you’ll have tons of choices ahead.”
Yeah, Towa’ll meet lots of people, find someone great. Maybe he’ll meet his soulmate, build a family. But with me, that future won’t come. I can’t give Towa anything.
“Then your choice? You’ll live never liking anyone? Keep burying your feelings and choosing solitude?”
“Yeah.”
I don’t think that’s wrong.
No matter what, this reality won’t free me. So I have to live like that.
“Can you truly smile that way?”
“…”
“Don’t tremble alone. Don’t bear it alone. I don’t need other options. There’s only one Serizawa Runa in this world. No one can replace you.”
Hey, why’s Towa the one about to cry?
I’m about to cry too.
I’m sick of this pain. I want to erase it all, lean on Towa, spill everything I couldn’t say, love him like it’s normal.
But I can’t.
It can’t be undone.
See, even now, a cruelly beautiful galaxy rises to the sky.
“I’m still taking your lifespan. Knowing that, I can’t be with you…”
Leaving Towa, I run. This feeling, this curse haunting me—better if it flew off to the edge of the universe.
Next day, I skip school. My head’s heavy—sleeplessness, maybe crying. Hollow-eyed, I check my phone—tons of worried messages. Glad, but too drained to reply, I flip it over.
“Runa?”
A knock—Mom checks on me. “No fever?” Her cool hand touches my forehead. I’ve always loved her gentle hands. I’m so glad my illness doesn’t affect her.
“No fever. Just felt sluggish. I’m fine now.”
“Can you eat?”
“Uh, not much appetite…” Mid-sentence, I catch a sweet smell from her.
“Did you make snacks?”
“Oh, a neighbor gave us sweet potatoes, so I’m making imo-mochi.”
Imo-mochi’s a local dish—mashed steamed potatoes with mochi or cheese, baked. Mom uses sweet potatoes instead, kneads with cornstarch and milk, fries both sides, and tops with kinako and black honey.
It’s so good—one of my favorites. Despite no appetite, the scent lures me to the living room.
“Yeah, delicious.”
A small bite fills my mouth with sweet aroma and Mom’s comforting taste.
“Dad liked it too, so I’ll offer some later.”
Mom says, brewing bancha. Since Dad’s been gone, she’s never shown a sad face. But I’ve avoided mentioning him—too painful, guilt growing daily.
“Mom… I…”
“Hm?”
“…Dad died because of me.”
I wanted to say it sooner. Keeping this brutal truth inside was too heavy. Unable to see her face, I look down. A quiet reply comes.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“W-What…?”
“Your illness. Dad and I knew.”
“Huh…”
I can’t process it right away. My mind blanks, thoughts lagging.
They knew my illness…?
“Nakata-sensei, our preschool teacher, consulted us. We couldn’t accept it—not our daughter—but when Dad was in the hospital with stomach cancer, he said he saw galaxy-like dust from his body.”
First I’ve heard Nakata-sensei talked to them—or that they knew. Unbelievable.
“W-Wait. That galaxy’s only visible to me, right?”
“It’s seen by the afflicted and their target. Dad could see it, but I couldn’t.”
Too shocked, words fail. I thought only I could perceive it…
After, unbeknownst to me, they visited hospitals for unknown diseases, contacted a writer on Grim Reaper Syndrome, and Mom got detailed tests, thinking it might be congenital. I never noticed them searching for my cure.
“Sorry for keeping quiet.”
Mom’s brows droop. I can’t react well. If they knew, so many questions bubble up.
“So Dad knew I was taking his lifespan?”
“Yes.”
“T-Then why not explain it to me before it was too late? I could’ve stayed away, prevented it. His cancer was improving, but I—I…”
“His cancer didn’t shrink with chemo. It was too late.”
“N-No way. They said surgery would fix it.”
“Dad wanted it hidden. You were too young for the truth, and he always said he wanted to be cheerful for you.”
My heart thumps loud. Too much info to handle.
“…But still, I killed him.”
I took what little lifespan he had left. He might’ve lived longer.
“Dad called the galaxy dust your love. He said he’d rather die from the warm light his daughter gave than cancer.”
“No way…”
I can’t accept it. No way I could.
Even if his cancer was worse than I thought, no one can prove it was incurable. No one can say there wasn’t a one-percent chance he’d leave the hospital, eat his beloved imo-mochi, and spend calm family time. I took it. I stole a possible miracle.
“Then… Towa? Why invite him here knowing my illness?”
My voice trembles like I’ve been doused. Mom knew how big he was to me.
“Before he passed, Dad and I talked about you often. We fought sometimes, disagreed. But we always wanted your happiness. Liking someone isn’t wrong. We hoped you’d know love, give love—that was your parents’ wish.”
Now Mom’s voice shakes.
“W-What’re you saying…? I’m already taking Towa’s lifespan. It’s irreversible, and you say you wanted this?”
“In words… maybe yes.”
“…That’s awful! I didn’t want this!”
Towa was more special than anyone, but collecting stars he liked was enough. I didn’t need to talk, see him, watch him grow—if he was okay somewhere, that was enough. But, but…
“Runa, listen. I don’t want to hurt you. I just don’t want you to live throwing away your feelings.”
“You can’t understand my feelings. I’m a reaper. I can’t choose anything.”
“That’s not…”
“No more meddling!!”
Voice rough, I bolt from the house in a surge of emotion.
Why am I the only one with this illness?
Why, when I want to reject myself most, won’t everyone else do the same?
Dad, accepting death as I took his life, Mom, genuinely worried for me.
“There’s only one Serizawa Runa in this world. No one can replace you.”
Towa, chasing me with unwavering eyes—why aren’t you scared of me?
…Clink.
A metallic sound mid-run. Turning, I see the Orion strap, string snapped, on the ground. I reach to pick it up, but my hand stops.
Everyone’s too kind, so I have to be harsh on myself. I can’t forgive myself for liking someone, knowing I’ll take their life, yet reaching out.
I leave the strap and run again.
Where to?
Anywhere.
I want to reach a place free of kindness, even a second sooner.
＊＊＊＊
Her feelings always appeared as a galaxy to me. That glow is what you keep fighting, what keeps tormenting you.
But why does it feel so warm and gentle?
Because your “like” was always, only ever, precious.
As dusk falls, thick clouds cover the sky, smoke from the factory cluster visible.
“Hey, there…!?”
“Phew… Checked the station, but no sign.”
Sasano and Shoji return from separate searches, sweat on their brows. Runa, gone since noon, hasn’t come back. We’ve run around town in uniforms, but no trace.
“It’s my fault for cornering her…”
Yoko-san clutches her phone, Runa’s number on screen. Sasano rubs her back to soothe. Seems they argued a bit. I don’t know details, but Yoko-san’s face says it’s more than a spat.
Sun’s setting soon, night nearing. Normally, she’d lead dinner prep, eating on time. That punctual Runa not returning—we all feel the gravity.
“M-Maybe something happened. Shouldn’t we call the police?”
“No, hold off.”
I stop Shoji’s suggestion.
“Making it big might guilt her into not coming back.”
“Yeah, I agree with Tsuzumi-kun. Runa knows she’s worrying us most. There’s a reason she needs to be alone this badly.”
Sasano speaks calmly, though it sounds like she’s convincing herself too.
“Let’s wait one more day.”
At my words, Yoko-san replies faintly, “Right. Okay.”
Despite my unease, time ticks on, darkness falling outside. No reply to our messages or staggered texts.
Where’d she go?
Picturing her hugging her knees alone, an unbearable urge hits. Pacing my room, I head to the courtyard.
I’m not the only sleepless one—Sasano and Shoji sit on a bench.
“Thinking Runa’s cold out there, I can’t get in bed…”
Sasano clasps her hands at her chest, like praying.
“I-I’m gonna go look again. Station’s bright—maybe she’s at a diner!”
We all want to act, but don’t know how. Silence falls again.
Sasano, Shoji—they’re genuinely worried. Gathered to share unease, thinking only of Runa.
Hey, Runa, maybe you didn’t notice, but you’re precious to everyone.
You bear it all alone, drawing a line to not hurt anyone, but you can’t hide the humanity inside.
Blaming yourself more than anyone, faking brightness—your heart must’ve been lonely, right?
But we all wanted to understand you. No matter how much you wish to be alone, we don’t want that.
How much did you realize that?
A night without her felt eternal. We could only wait for dawn.
Morning comes at last. Yoko-san, likely most anxious, still makes breakfast for us as usual.
“Please, go to school. I can’t face your parents otherwise.”
She firmly rejects Shoji and Sasano’s pleas to skip and search. I’m told to go too, but argue we need searchers and waiters, making excuses to stay. Outstubborned, they head off, and I vow to find her for them. Then, a glint in the hall—it’s a lucky star Runa gave me for my birthday. She folded them at school too—maybe it fell from her pocket.
Passing her room, the door’s ajar. Knowing I shouldn’t enter, I quietly turn the knob. My feet head to a wooden box on her desk—her “treasure chest” full of stars, she said. I place the picked-up star there.
Why she made and collected so many stars, I don’t know. But I feel each one propped up her heart.
The day I left this town, Runa didn’t cry. Always a sobber, she acted bright then—probably to hide loneliness.
Since then, I sensed she carried something only she understood. All I could do was be beside her. I wanted to stay forever, but couldn’t, so I did that at our parting.
“Hey, hold out both hands.”
“Why?”
“Just do it.”
I mimed grabbing air, pressing it into Runa’s palms.
“Huh—what’s this?”
She tilted her head, puzzled, at her empty hands.
To you, who said you make everyone unhappy. To you, who I didn’t want to leave but had to, I gave handfuls of “like.”
I don’t recall when love started. From the beginning, from our first meeting, I liked Runa.
I take one aurora origami from her desk. Pen flows with overflowing feelings. I place the finished letter gently atop her treasure chest.
I prep to search for her. Runa might return, so I ask Yoko-san to stay.
“Hey, Towa-kun. What should I have done…?”
Yoko-san, sleepless too, looks weary. She must’ve been strong at breakfast for us.
“You knew about Runa’s illness, right?”
“So you too, Towa-kun?”
“Yes.”
I don’t know their exchange, but Runa might’ve been shocked Yoko-san knew. She sees weakness as bad—didn’t want me catching on either.
“I knew her illness and still called you here. Awful, right?”
Yoko-san’s voice chokes.
“I feel I’m doing something unforgivable to you.”
I didn’t get it then, but now it all connects.
“When I went home, Mom said parents are always their kid’s ally. You too, right?”
“…”
“You just wished for Runa’s happiness, didn’t you?”
“…Sob…”
Yoko-san trembles, covering her face. Since learning her illness, I’ve thought countless times.
Why’s there such a cruel disease that takes loved ones’ lives? What’d I do in her place? No answers yet.
But not knowing means we can find them. If there’s no right or wrong, we search within our chosen paths. Together, we can overcome anything scary.
“I’m taking back that ‘yes.’ I can’t hate you. I’m only grateful you let me meet Runa again.”
It doesn’t end here.
It hasn’t even started.
How will we connect from now on?
Outside, something silver’s on the ground. It’s her Orion strap.
—Moon goddess Artemis fired an unintended arrow, killing her beloved Orion. I’m not likening us to that myth.
But even if Runa aims an arrow at me, I won’t flee. I’ll take all her feelings. That resolve drives me forward.
“Phew… phew… where?”
I race through the station, convenience stores, Oboro Park—everywhere. Where else might Runa go…?
“This is my favorite spot.”
Her words flash through. I checked the evacuation tower yesterday, but Runa might’ve predicted my moves and hidden.
Runa. Stop running. Give up. With that fierce thought, I reach the seaside tower again. No slowing, I charge up the stairs. Clang, clang—metal rings with each step. Sweat drips, soaking my T-shirt. Never run this much before. Only for someone. Legs numb, I reach the top. I exhale deep, steadying my breath.
“…Phew… finally found you.”
Runa gazes at the sea alone. She must’ve heard my steps. She turns slowly.
“Searching for me’s a penalty.”
Not angry—just a deeply sad face. A folded blanket sits beside her. Maybe she came up after I checked yesterday and spent the night.
“Hey, Towa. I’m tired of thinking.”
Runa’s hoarse voice reaches me. What’d she ponder all night, watching the dazzling factory lights? I can’t easily say, “It’s okay, I get it.” The weight of her fate’s hers alone, and I can’t take her pain.
“…I’d be fine if you were smiling, but I’m the one making you look like that. Is it hard with me near?”
She nods quietly.
“What’s hard?”
“Taking your lifespan—it’s painful and tough.”
Her heart’s groan cuts deep.
“So, we shouldn’t have met?”
No reply—just wind passes between us.
“I was glad. Reuniting with you, seeing this galaxy of your feelings.”
White waves dance in the sky, still rising from me. No sound or pain as my lifespan ebbs.
“Seeing ‘like’ from someone you love—what a miracle. This galaxy’s proof you care about me. I’m happy.”
“…”
“Your ‘like’ is joyful and beautiful.”
The shimmering dust shifts angles, drifting to her. Still, Runa looks anguished.
“Don’t say that. Don’t accept it kindly… I want you to live ten, twenty years, till you’re an old man. My like steals your future…!”
She steps onto the railing.
“S-Stop!”
“My like won’t fade. I can’t be near you. I can’t think of you. I—I…”
Defying gravity, she leans toward the sea.
“R-Runa…!!”
Chasing Runa falling from the tower, I vault the railing too.
I reach, but can’t touch.
So close, yet out of grasp.
Always like this.
Chasing, never catching.
Wanting closeness, but drifting apart.
But you know?
Each time, my “like” grew.
If your “like” only takes, I want mine to give you so much.
…Splash!!
Two bodies sink with the spray. In the water, I pull Runa close and surface.
“…Phew… phew…”
We’d swallowed water, but stayed conscious.
“Why… why follow me!? I’m leaving you! I can’t like you…”
“Don’t say can’t, idiot.”
Cutting her off, I hug her tight—almost breakingly so.
“If you’re gone, my life’s saved but my heart dies. You’ve agonized, suffered, run enough. If it won’t fade, don’t make it!”
Tears flow, saltier than seawater. Runa shouldn’t suffer. She doesn’t need to blame herself.
“I’ll say it again. Your like is beautiful.”
So don’t deny it.
I want you to accept this feeling too, Runa.
“…Sob… T-Towa…”
Sobbing, she hugs me back.
If we struggle, together.
If we live, together.
We can find what the reaper can’t steal.
“…I don’t care anymore. Too late to ask me to leave.”
“Yeah, don’t leave.”
“This is another penalty.”
“Yeah. What?”
“Stay with me forever.”
“Gladly.”
We slowly press our lips together. Galaxy dust still stretches endlessly skyward from me, but it’s not some ominous life-stealer—more like feelings turning to stars, absorbed by the sky.
I’ll keep accepting her feelings, feeling happiness each time.
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