Kanomama wa hatsukoi no hito - Interlude 3

 Interlude: Hijiri Sae

“Now that things have come to this—Urusuke-san, there’s something I need to discuss with you.”

We had dinner together, the three of us, and later that night.

In the living room, it was just Urusuke and me. Hanao, exhausted from her first experience, had already fallen asleep.

“—So this is something we’re keeping from Hanao? Even now?”

“Just as you suspected. But this… I absolutely cannot let her know. It’s about her father, after all.”

Urusuke caught his breath at my words.

“I’ve heard the gist of it… that when he went out on boat fishing… or so I was told.”

“Fishing at the end of the month was something he had done even before marriage. Occasionally, he would bring Hanao or his friends, but usually, he went alone, starting in the morning.”

Urusuke’s eyebrows twitched. He must have realized it—that I met him, married him… and even during the time he was having an affair, that I had been involved too.

“—The day before that day, three years ago, he asked me to go, and on my way out, I stopped by the yacht at the harbor.”

That day—three years ago. Urusuke seemed to understand immediately what it meant.

“I checked the supplies I’d been asked to look over—though it wasn’t part of the request, I happened to glance at the fuel.”

My expression darkened. From here on, I was about to confess my sin.

“—The yacht’s fuel efficiency is surprisingly high. Maybe that’s why, but the fuel had already dropped considerably. At that time, there wasn’t any reserve fuel either.”

“……………”

I heard Urusuke’s throat gulp as he fell silent.

“From… From what I vaguely remembered the last time I was taken along… I figured it was about a one-way trip to the spot he liked to go fishing.”

A weary sigh escaped me. I let my eyes wander aimlessly.

“I didn’t mention any of it to him after I got back.”

I waited for Urusuke to grasp the meaning behind my words.

“Your husband… into the sea…” He shook his head immediately. “No, but… that sort of thing…”

I understood what he was trying to say, and I nodded.

“That’s right. If the fuel had been checked before he went out, it would have been no problem. Besides, from what I know, it’s not even clear whether the fuel was really insufficient. Even if he had been stranded at sea, signals carry quite well nowadays. He could have called for help on a cell phone—or, if that failed, via radio. —In truth, it was just a kind of harassment. A petty act of revenge. I could never have imagined it succeeding—just the shallow scheme of a trivial woman.”

I laughed at myself. Foolish whims can sometimes lead to sin.

“He left—without realizing it. And on the desk at home sat the smartphone he had forgotten.”

“……………!”

A flicker of tension crossed Urusuke’s face.

“I did start to worry, of course. But even if he didn’t return by night and I filed a missing person report, it might become a bit serious—but he would be found quickly.”

I had checked the supplies—food and water were all accounted for. There was no danger to life. At least, that’s how it was supposed to be.

“But—the police contacted me saying, ‘It looks like fibers from his clothes were caught on the railing,’ and ‘He is believed to have fallen into the sea’—”

For a while after that, silence dominated the living room. I couldn’t bring myself to look at Urusuke. I couldn’t face the man who had said he loved me with the face of a sinner.

“That’s not your fault, Sae-san. You had nothing to do with him falling from the yacht in the first place.”

“That may be so. But the lack of fuel might have robbed him of his composure.”

“Even so… that doesn’t make it a sin…”

His voice was desperately trying to defend me. And yet, I have to chastise the wretched part of myself that feels glad about it. This is my sin.

“By society’s laws, it might not be considered a crime. But if—even by the tiniest chance—anything had happened to him… it was me who ignored the danger, fully aware of the risk.”

I raised my hand toward Urusuke, who was still about to protest, and shook my head.

“Please, don’t worry. It’s not like it changes anything, Urusuke-san.”

“Eh…”

“Since that day, I have lived atoning through raising Hanao. Making her happy became the only purpose left in my life.”

I hold Urusuke's hand.

“Urusuke-san… If you’re the one who will make Hanao happy, please remember this sin of mine. And no matter what, alongside someone like me, no matter what, make Hanao happy.”

The hand I held was returned gently. The two of us—who had sinned against Hanao—would atone for her. And beyond that, we would heal the wounds we had caused her.

“If there’s any love left in your heart, Urusuke-san… love me as well——”